The Sounds of idiots

With great apologies to Simon and Garfunkel.

Hello internet, my old friend
I’ve come to bitch at you again,
Because derision is loudly seeping
and only leaving me weeping
and the idiocy that destroys my poor brain
still remains
from the code of morons

Viewing jumbled code I groan
as my poor servers are slowly powned
by the morons who only say “can’t”
I can only glare and shake my head askance
when my systems are destroyed by the idiots who think they’re “right”
that isn’t right.
Admidst the sounds of idiots.

And in the conference room I saw
Ten thousand idiots, maybe more
Idiots talking without thinking
Idiots coding without listening
Idiots writing code that all should beware
and it’s not rare
admidst the sounds of morons

“Idiots,” said I, “You do not know–”
This kind of code will only slow
Hear my fury that I might save you
from systems choking that we can’t use
but my words and emails go unread
and lost within the sounds of idiots

And the developers bowed and prayed
to their idiot fucked up ways
and the applications crashed without warning
’cause of the shitty code that was swarming
And the servers cried “The code of the idiots are destroying my all
and business falls”
and ignored by the sound of idiots

Posted in Essays
4 comments on “The Sounds of idiots
  1. Aleleeinn says:

    I’ve been in IT since 1974, yeah it existed that long ago. The idiots were always with us. Stupid shit programs that were supposed to validate input abending because of “BAD DAT” Dumb fucker. And many of those same idiots got promotions because they came in night after night and pulled the offending data from the input stream, (RATHER THAN FIX THE FUCKING PROGRAM).

    It still makes me crazy. NO IT HASN’T GONE AWAY, with all the systemization of IT. Shit code is still shit code and prospering by what I see. Write clean structured code. TEST THE HELL OUT OF IT! AND don’t be an egotistical ass–ask the users about the functionality. It isn’t right unless it does what it is functionally supposed to.

    I was damned proud to give my management snark and tell them MY programs don’t abend. They just run like they are supposed to.

    And my favorite pet peeve the code copiers who don’t understand the code that they use.

    And too often the idiots who call themselves management think these fucking morons are doing a good job. I guess stupid knows only stupid.

    Paul and Art forgive you.

    Aleleeinn

    • Aleleeinn says:

      Probably the best compliment I ever received in IT was: “I want him working for me. When he says it done–it’s done. When he says it’s right–IT’S RIGHT.” That should be the standard.

  2. aleleeinn says:

    Lest you believe my comments are aimed at the lowly application programmer: I spent the overwhelming mojority (yes its spelled Majority, but MOJO tits)of my It career I either wrote operating system/database software or supported it at customer sites mostly. One of my hardest lessons was to remember that if it looked like shit code it was no matter what the reputation of the author.
    And those who wrote good code where honestly glad when you fixed something that was wrong. THEY WANTED IT RIGHT.
    “What a Long Strange Trip Its Been”
    Garaaga be bribed!
    Aleleeinn

    • Paul Cooley says:

      My biggest issue is with “legacy” programmers. I call them “legacy” because they do everything in their power to ensure the system they created, no matter how old or technologically antiquated or bad for the business, lives on. I’m uncertain as to whether it’s the fear of having to learn something new, or it’s just plain laziness combined with the desire for job security, but the fact remains that in order for their systems to survive, no one can move forward.

      No matter how intelligent you are, no matter how skilled and talented, you eventually have to know there’s a time to throw in the towel and move on. Unfortunately, the older you are, the more difficult this becomes. So the voice of reason is lost in the wilderness when managers are just as married to those systems or their developer. In other words, no matter what the fucking truth might be, the shitty-assed legacy system created by said developer will live on. Hopefully, it will not cause the fucking demise of the business.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

The Black

Sesame Workshop Donations

$329.00 has been collected from audiobook and paperback sales from "The Street" for donations to the Sesame Workshop.

The Graveyard

Cart

Donate to keep the author in smokes, whiskey, and web hosting.

Archives