Thanks for the honest summary of your experience. I've heard a few authors lately give unbelievably glowing reports of their dealings with publishers and whatnot. None of that shit is helpful to anybody. First, it gives the wannabes unrealistic expectations, and second, what's the point? Nobody who you need to worry about offending is listening to any of these podcasts.

Good luck at the Department of the BIGGEST Asshole. There. How's that for "respect?"

...but it never goes away. The fear, doubt and angst of the creative soul. I completely relate to that feeling. Creatives query, market, mail & email little chunks of their souls to strangers, asking for acceptance, and REALLY hoping not to get it eaten & shat out. The bigger the risk, the bigger the chunk. A few times I've submitted auditions & demos and cried afterwards because of the anxiety. It gets that intense. I liken it to putting my head on a chopping block.

Nowadays, I'm slowly learning to "Submit it and forget it." BUT, there's still those little parts of me, floating around out there that I feel I'll never get back. Voices in my head that tell me I was laughed at, added to a what-not-to-do reel and taught in classes. I put those voices on mute for the time being, but I know they're still there.

I have LOUD voices that tell me to keep going, there's a reason you're here and at the mercy of your talents. The loudest one says, "IF YOU DON'T DO THIS YOU WILL DIE." So I keep going. Thanks for sharing your experiences, Paul. You're amazing.

This goes hand in hand with your prior essay 'Why Publish'.Fear like you spoke of can stop a person from even trying to put themselves out there and be read. People who wish to write as well as those who are just curious about what being a writer can be like can all get a lot out of hearing your experiences. I'm grateful you choose to share your insight. And as far as I'm concerned, you are a pro. You're doing it. Keep the 'I'll show you attitude' and keep it coming. We'll keep reading n listening.